I cannot cut out the adverbs

Sophie Ouch @ F-Stop Magazine/

Harmony Neal on the adverbs of addiction @ Word Riot.He invades me nightly. Then he’s on the outskirts of my brain all day, spying, following me to fold laundry and wash dishes, trickling through my earbuds while I walk for miles in the same place at the gym, his essence infiltrating Kristin Hersh’s vitriol, every song about him anyway, the two of them merging in my undistracted mind.Some days, I want to carve his name into my arm with a mercilessly cold straight razor, but there are too many letters. Or maybe get a “property of” tattoo on my back in gothic 60-pt font.It’s been a year and a half. He is now engaged to someone who is bizarrely attached to adverbs.An adverb is a wordThat modifies a verbOr modifies an adjectiveOr else another adverbAnd so you see that it’s absolutelyVery, very necessary.When I cook, I remember him cooking for me: heart-attack surprise, breakfast burritos as big as my head, plates and plates of food. I eat small handfuls of fruit now, strawberries, green grapes, banana halves, chew, chew, chew.I get urges to call him or write, to demand that he leave my brain at once, skedaddle, vamoose, get, get, get! I think he might hang up on me. Or really, I don’t think that, but I think he’d tell the harbinger of adverbs, and that is a humiliation I cannot bear.read more